To simply say I’m thankful today would be an extreme understatement. After experiencing the most painful and joyful year of my life, I look back at the past twelve months and am in awe of God’s majesty and love for me.
Even in the midst of the most bittersweet moments, I find that I have far fewer answers to the “big” questions than I’ve ever had, but those unanswered questions confirm that my God is bigger than my human mind or heart can grasp.
My husband, Mark, and I lost our precious baby girl, Georgia, last year on December 5th. She was born far too early. And though she was perfect, she was just too tiny for this world. Even as I type these words my eyes fill with tears, and my chest feels tight as it does most days. Even though almost a year has passed since her precious minutes with us, my soul longs for her presence.
Yet as I write this, I have a beautiful sleeping baby boy snuggled in his carseat behind me. We’re driving to visit our family for the day and show off our little eleven month old miracle, Gus.
Now when my alarm clock, Gus, wakes me at 7am each day I am truly excited to jump out of bed and climb the stairs to see his smiling face and kicking legs as he greets me.
Even though I often feel the weight of profound joy and despair, I remind myself that Gus is healthy and happy. I try my best to embrace the moments I can hold his chubby little body to my chest. And when he tucks his head into my neck, I melt. These are the most treasured, sweetest moments I’ve ever known.
Mark and I have a safe home, our health, careers we enjoy, and most importantly we have our undeserved but cherished baby boy, Gus. Thank God.
xo, jc
